This is where you will post a picture of yourself, a brief description of who you are, and upload your essay.
1. Does the beginning of the paper capture your attention or bring your focus the the topic? Why or why not? Do you have any suggestions to make it better?
Yes it captures my attention because you go against what the teaches and others believe so it makes you want to continue reading why.
2. Do the have a logical thesis statement?
3. Do they have good reasons in their main point preview? If they listed the points, is the list parallel?
Yes they are logical reasons, and it is parallel.
1. Does each paragraph start with a good transition? If not, which ones are missing transitions?
They start with a transition, but could possibly be improved since the first and second transition are almost the exact same.
2. Is there a clear topic sentence for each paragraph? If not, which paragraphs need topic sentences? Do you have any suggestions to make the topic sentences better?
Yes there is a clear topic sentence for each paragraph. They are right to the point.
3. Does the author's reasoning make sense? Where do they need to expand their ideas or add an example to clarify their point?
Their reasoning makes sense, but could expand on the why part of their reasoning such as why the iPad assignments and being distracted tie back to why the students are failing.
1. Is there a transition at the beginning of their conclusion?
There are like 2 conclusions so i'm a little confused, but the 2nd paragraph starts with a good transition.
2. Does the author summarize their thesis
3. Does the author summarize their main points?
3. Do you feel like the paper came to a smooth end? Why or why not?
Yes, although it could have been improved by not having 2 conclusions, the last one was good and an actual conclusion but the paragraph before that one kind of messed up the flow of the end of the paper.
you have transitions at the begining of each point, but try to use a highly level transitions to make your writting better.
One of the strength I found was your reasons why iPads should be banned, but it would be awesome if you would give the reasons why the outcome on banning Ipads would be the solution to students to do better at school. One of the things you should also work is by not using personal pronouns ( I, me, you, or our, we)
In addition, at the end of each point that you gave try to wrap it up and give the benefit of your point.. In the conclusion do the same, and include the good benefits of banning iPads .
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.