This is where you will post a picture of yourself, a brief description of who you are, and upload your essay.
1. Does the beginning of the paper capture your attention or bring your focus the the topic? Why or why not? Do you have any suggestions to make it better?
I think your introduction does capture the attention of the reader, and I think it introduces the topic well. I think your thesis statement needs to be parallel, and I suggest you try not to go into too much detail in the introduction, save it for the body paragraphs.
2. Do the have a logical thesis statement?
Your thesis statement has good content but it needs to be parallel.
3. Do they have good reasons in their main point preview? If they listed the points, is the list parallel? Yes you have good content but again it must be parallel.
1. Does each paragraph start with a good transition? If not, which ones are missing transitions? Make sure your first paragraph starts with a good transition- like first and foremost.
2. Is there a clear topic sentence for each paragraph? If not, which paragraphs need topic sentences? Do you have any suggestions to make the topic sentences better? Most of your body paragraphs have good topic sentences except the first body paragraph. With this one, make sure the reader knows exactly what this paragraph will be about.
3. Does the author's reasoning make sense? Where do they need to expand their ideas or add an example to clarify their point? I believe your explanations on your topic have good content but try to future elaborate on them more. I think your body paragraphs are too short, but all you need to do is add some more explanations. Try creating specific, made-up scenarios to further explain your point.
1. Is there a transition at the beginning of their conclusion?
There is a transition at the beginning, but I suggest to try to use a different, higher-level transition.
2. Does the author summarize their thesis
When you were summarizing I didn't see all three main points in the wrap- up. Try to make sure you remember to mention all of the main points in the conclusion.
3. Does the author summarize their main points?
Again, make sure you have all the main points.
3. Do you feel like the paper came to a smooth end? Why or why not? I liked how you ended your paper with benefits to this change, but I would suggest not repeating yourself too much in the conclusion.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.