This is where you will post a picture of yourself, a brief description of who you are, and upload your essay.
You should add more information in your body paragraphs and start using more professional words.
1. Does the beginning of the paper capture your attention or bring your focus the the topic? Why or why not? Do you have any suggestions to make it better? No
2. Do the have a logical thesis statement? Yes
3. Do they have good reasons in their main point preview? If they listed the points, is the list parallel? No
1. Does each paragraph start with a good transition? If not, which ones are missing transitions?
2. Is there a clear topic sentence for each paragraph? If not, which paragraphs need topic sentences? Do you have any suggestions to make the topic sentences better?
I would suggest to add more information and more sentences to support the main points.
3. Does the author's reasoning make sense? Where do they need to expand their ideas or add an example to clarify their point?
1. Is there a transition at the beginning of their conclusion?
2. Does the author summarize their thesis
3. Does the author summarize their main points?
3. Do you feel like the paper came to a smooth end? Why or why not?
No because it really didn't give much details
Their is more you could have expanded on for example you could talk about what you could do with your friends to have a amazing time. You also include a couple of fragment sentences that is bad to do in your writing. Your paragraphs are very short they should be about 5-6 sentences not 3-4. Your word choice could have been better for example you could have used extrodinary insted of amazing. From reading this I can tell you didnt revise it because you added words that arn't even words like ''more healthier'' it should have been just healthier. I would Revise it next time and use a encyclopedia for betyter word choice.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.